My Birthday Wishlist!

I know, I know, my annual birthday wishlist is too early since my birthday is not until October 31. But I really have to allot more time for me to accomplish this wishlist, given the fact that I barely got my wishes last year. For as what you might have seen from the pictures above, this wishlist is far more ambitious than ever. Hahaha! I just wish that my parents brace themselves for they might not find this very amusing.

But before anything else, let me tell you what happened to my last year's wishlist. . .

1. Party at Clubber's Guide: Kinda Successful! True that I was not able to celebrate at Clubber's Guide at the exact date, but I have no reason to complain since I had countless night-outs since! Ahahaha! Too bad that it's close now. It was definitely my most fave bar. Instead of partying, my bestfriend Camille and I got together for an intimate (nothing romantic) night at Trinoma. Nothing out of the ordinary, just two single bestfriends celebrating their birthdays over coffee. My birthday was october 31 and hers was November 1. How about that, huh? Just want to thank you Camille for choosing to spend that wonderful evening with me. True that it was simple, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you!

2. Marvin the Martian Backpack: Failed! I begged my bestfriend Nenette to buy me one! But she was so busy back then for her affiliation. I also didn't have the time to search Divisoria (I think that's the only place I'll find one) so I settled on a plain blue Dickies bag.

3. Earphones: Success! This was covered by my father. It was definitely the best earphones I've had! I always buy myself a new set of earphones every month for I always end up wrecking them. But those earphones lasted for three months! Too bad they were stolen along with my ipod.

4. Where are the Children by Mary Higgins Clark: Success! Yep but I was not able to finish it until last month. I was so busy and intoxicated with our community profiling that I didn't have time to read. Good thing that I have the old habit going now. You can check my review on this book on my "Its a Matter of Preference" page.

5. Drakkar Noir Perfume: Kinda! Only that the bottle reads Afficionado rather than Drakkar Noir! Hahaha! Mind you it still has the same fragrance, the only difference is that it cost Php 200 rather that Php 4000! Ahahaha! How about that for a bargain? I really cannot bring myself to spend that much for just a bottle of perfume. So I'm quite please with how I did with this item. Ahihihi!

Now for my 2008 birthday wishlist! Family and friends, please don't make me say to myself that I swallowed more than I can chew this year! Puhleezzzz?????

1. Party at Guilly's Island! Can you believe that I've even consider holding my party at Embassy!? The nerve! I've been to this bar for numerous times. True that the place is ordinary, but it's the music that draws me. I'm planning to have my celebration on a Saturday night (Girl's Night-out). Since all I'm inviting are girls, I won't have to pay Php 300 for their entrance! My will-be concern then is only the food and drinks! Ahihihi! See Mom and Dad? I'm still trying to work this out!

2. Itouch. Whew. I didn't even had the guts to put an exclamation point. It's just that my father has been continuously suggesting that he'll buy me one. I don't know if he's serious, but now I really wanted to have one. But because the tuition fee in FEU is ridiculously expensive, I won't have any hard feelings at all if I can't have it.

3. Havaiana Slippers! And it's because I don't have a pair of decent slippers that I can use whenever I go out. I was really used to wearing my shoes every time I dressed up. And I'm kinda shy showing my feet coz it's my biggest fetish in other guys. You can have the most beautiful face and chiseled body but if you have fugly feet then I want nothing to do with you. Hahaha! A pair of cute slippers will do me good since I abhor tying my shoes every time I go out. How about that for sloth, eh?

4. Internet Connection! About time that I become an active member of the net community! I'm getting sick and tired of going out in the middle of the night just to satisfy my needs for blogging and net surfing. Having my internet connection back will be great since I always read articles and download songs every time. Can't wait to have this one checked!

5. A Date! Ahahaha! I can't even believe I have the guts to cite this! Ahihihi! It's good that I am now able to talk about this in a positive manner. My past self can resurface anytime he wants to rant on me. I'm not having it! Ahahaha! Now read this. I know that it's impossible but if my friends in FEU will find a twisted way for me to have this dream date, and they certainly know with who, then I don't give a shit if I won't get my other wishes! Ahahaha! Aside from the first of course since that would be my treat for them. (Update: I saw him last night! I can't believe that that guy can really socialize and talk. That was the first time I came up to him face to face. We were eating at Mcdo then he suddenly showed up to say hi to my friends. OMG! He waved goodbye at me! Ahahaha! Just like what my BFF Nenette said: Cheap Thrills!)

Now let me level with you. This is just me being materialistic. It shouldn't suggest that whether I'll be happy or not in my birthday depends on how I do with this wishlist.

I'm getting a little bit emotional. In two months I'm gonna be 20 and I can't begin to accept it. I can't believe how fast time slips away. It's like it was just yesterday when I was in high school enjoying innocent bonding with my friends while we walk from our school to the sentro to indulge ourselves in videoke, chat, fishballs and pearl coolers. Now everything is so different. More responsibility and more expectations. No more of the carefree and happy-go-lucky attitude.

I want to thank all of the people who in one way or another touched my life. My family especially my parents, know that no single effort of yours went unnoticed and uncherished. To my friends especially Net, Cams, Riza and Kates, I love you all. Can't believe that the paths we've taken in life are so far from each other. I hope you all the best.

Whew! I hate it! I'm like a fool here crying at an internet shop! Damn it! Anyways, this blog has been long already. Wish me luck in this wishlist!

XOXO

Jerome

Wails From the Grave

To:

Jerome

of BSN040

I for once never thought that the experiences that you’ll meet along that road that are supposed to make you stronger, will instead rattle your beliefs and drift you further away from the person you wanted to be.

I want you to know that I am deeply ashamed of what you’ve become. The false dignity that you gaily parade is the only thing that keeps you from a total breakdown and utter humiliation. What happened to the friendships that you promised to have a tight grasp to? What happened to the uncompromising dedication that you once showed in your work? What happened to your grip in sanity that you now toy with your mind, fooling yourself that there might be a chance of love for a selfish and distant person like you? What happened to you?

I never imagined that you’d take for granted that patch and all the efforts and hardwork that you have invested to earn the right to wear it. Here I sit in the library today, allotting hours to study. Not because I’m obliged to, but because I enjoy doing so. It’s because nothing else makes my day than knowing by heart that I did my part and made sure that I’m worth what my parents are paying for. How about you Jerome? Are you worth it all? The endless spending and night-outs? I hope you can say that you are, Jerome, I really hope so, for the sake of your parents that work hard for you.

You had always known that your heart is on its own. Why dream that somewhere out there, there will be arms to hold you? That was our source of strength Jerome! Our concrete outlook in life that our happiness in any means is not defined by whether or not we have someone beside us! How could you left it in shambles?

Know that you’re the most pathetic person I’ve known. You’re behaving like an immature girl who flinches and lose yourself whenever you meet that guy. Hahaha. He doesn’t even talk to you nor contact you, yet you spent days and nights dreaming about him, even conniving with others to find a way to see him. When was the last time that you stopped and try to reflect on your ways? How could you have drifted, so far that I can’t see myself in you anymore? Every trace of my identity is completely gone, I do not know you anymore.

I know from the first day of college that by the time I graduate, I’ll be a completely different person, a better one. I acknowledge that because it’s inevitable. I could say that I’m looking forward in seeing the real me. But you? No. Not you. You are not the person I’m striving to be. God help me, I don’t want to end up like you.

From:

Jerome

of A0612K

Better and Better

5th rotation for my duty started last tuesday. So far, I'm quite pleased with my clinical designations. I was so busy, or rather busy blogging useless and stupid blogs that I forgot that this motherload of a site is about me, ME!, not about some guys I've been drooling on. Having said that, I guess I should make up for time lost and blog about my past duties.

1st Duty: San Pascual Baylon

This was perhaps the best start for a hospital learning experience that I can ask for. True that the hospital was small (I think there were only 20 patient rooms in all) and of all places it was in Bulacan, but I learned a lot. Thanks to the distant and snob C.I. of ours and her unwavering initiative, we were able to grab any opportunity we can to learn.

I was lucky enough to be chosen to observe this minor operation. It has something to do with the male patient's fistula. He was being prepared for an operation in the kidney, so imagine how puzzled I was that he was being operated on his left wrist! On his left wrist! I was too shy to ask my C.I. why so, so I just shut my hole and observed.

When the doctor ripped (screw those medical terms) the guy's wrist and blood came rushing, I thought I was gonna faint. Seriously! I've never seen so much blood in my entire life. Good thing that I was able to brace myself as the doctor proceeded with the surgery. All those live veins that I saw could empty my stomach otherwise.

The highlight, or rather the 'other highlight' is when I was reassigned with my classmates Frances and Kimberly on this private room. The patient of ours was a 65 year-old amputee woman who recently came home from USA to get treated. I couldn't help but cry for she strongly reminded me of my late grandmother. It even came to the point that I was really close to becoming hysterical. Good thing that Kim was there to comfort me. She was very appreciative that we were there to take care of her, saying "Bakit ko gugustuhin na bumalik ng States, eh dito ang daming nurse na gustong mag-alaga sa akin". That was surely one of the defining moments I'll ever have in my hospital exposure.

I believe it was our last day of duty when a female patient was rushed in. She was bleeding so much that every personnel in the hospital was alerted and they all went to the emergency room to help in the treatment. Kim was so lucky to be chosen to observe. We later learned that the woman was stabbed several times by their neighbor. Seriously! Imagine how you could feel safe in your house watching TV and not knowing that someone had already entered your house with a friggin knife! Good thing we had a police station nearby at our neighborhood.

And just when I thought that we were about to go home, our C.I. invited us to this ihawan. That was the best way to end such a wonderful experience. Hahaha! People there were required to eat with their bare hands. And the food was so delicious! All the food I've eaten just made me so happy and relieved that our duty in Bulacan was finally over.

2nd Duty: Gawad Kalinga

This was actually more like a lukewarm rotation for me. But I was happy to note that the rapport that I failed to establish with family client in Cavite, I was able to achieve here. We were also able to enhance our health teaching skills as we try to address the different problems of our family.

There's not much to talk about with this. Aside from the somewhat misunderstanding between my clinical instructor and that of the others, nothing seems amusing.

Well, if you should know, it all started when the ci's of my classmates (our class was assigned to the same place) stated that they have duty on a sunday, the day when we're suppose to have an acquaintance party. Since I'm the mayor of my class, I have to ensure that my classmates will be able to attend the party, so I went to school and ask the level coordinators about the schedule mishap. They then confirmed that there was no scheduled duty and that we can attend the acquaintance party.

I don't know but one of the CI, upon hearing what I've done, seems taken aback and was really insisting that they have a scheduled duty. She even approached me in a rude manner to ask about it. It reached to the point when my CI was getting intimidated that she personally asked the level coordinators. Well, obviously we were right and my classmates were all able to attend our acquaintance party. That was one of the very few moments that I felt that I love my position, cause now I'M HATING IT!

3rd Duty: Del Pilar Elementary School

This is definitely my most favorite rotation. I love our CI, Dr. Blanco! You would really feel surprised and uncomfortable cause since AHSE years, the clinical instructors assigned to us were mostly arrogant, rude and inconsiderate pipz who enjoy bashing our works. But Dr. Blanco really made sure that she'd be able to relate to us while maintaining a professional relationship. I kinda miss her!

One thing that I didn't like though is that Dr. Blaco asked us to make an organizational chart (the school has none. imagine????), NCP, Health Teaching and a Learning Tool all at the same time. Talk about toxicity.

We were assigned to this grade 2 pupil named J. Thompson. Hahaha. I kinda expected a full blown American descent but no. This patient was different. I was disheartened by how malnourished and unkept he was that I sighed a relief thinking that I was so lucky to have the life I had. All my groupmates felt the same. We all talked about how fortunate we were, since the pupils' appearances pronounce everything about their living. What I experienced there made me more appreciative of the things that I have.

Deeply Troubled

Mr 02:

Just when I thought that I can handle my emotions well after I write you a letter, there you go showing yourself in the most unimaginable places day after day after day! The other day at the cr, yesterday at the pavillion and today at the class pictorial! Imagine the odds of our class pictorial being scheduled at the same time and at the same day! That's three friggin days of seeing your disarming face! How the hell would I get over you??

I'm officially the most obsessed and easy strayed homosexual out there. For how can a complete stranger like you make me suffer from sleepless nights and complete daydreaming?When we've only got together one night? Heck, we didn't even talk THAT night! Now I'm like a moron who can't control myself from smiling. I've been smiling this whole day for no concrete reason other than you damn it.

Argh. I feel like ranting all throughout this message. I really, really can't understand myself now. The last time I've felt this way was in fourth year, with the first guy I've fell in love with. Pasakit talaga ang mga lalake. Ayan nagtagalog na me. Hahaha. Mapastraight man o gay, pasakit sila. Damn you can see the effects. I'm sitting here wasting my time typing this shit even though you're not goint to be able to read it. I'm turning into a psycho.

And the worst part is, at the back of my mind and at the end of the day, even if my night will be sleepless, I still want to see you. . .

XOXO

Jerome

On a Night in Dolce. . .

To Mr. 02

I definitely have no idea why I'm doing this love letter, if you can call it that. For there's no way that you'd be able to read it since I don't have your multiply account. Damn, I don't even know if you have one. But futile as it is, I really have to channel this emotion of mine that has been bugging me since last night, in a good way. My blog is sometimes my way of committing to script all of my repressed and unbearable emotions that I don't want to deal with. I'm writing cause after this, I don't want to deal with my emotions with you again.

I was really, really thrilled when I learned that you were coming with us for our night-out. I was quite surprised for, even though we go to the same school, we really don't know each other. But at the back of my mind I can't help but worry. Why? Because it's a night-out. The booze, smoking and wild dancing, these are all immovable parts of me that other people considers bad. I consider it bad. Actually I am at my worst when I go out to party.

Of course, I wouldn't want to leave you a bad ol' first impression, so I decided that I'm gonna stay away. Cause everything I heard about you is good. You never smoke, do good in class and do good with men too. Believe me, you always cross my mind months before we were even introduced. But heck, I thought to myself, "Why the hell would I alter my personality to be appreciated?". So I kinda reconsidered. If you won't like me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. So I partied my heart out. I drank 5 bottles of beer under 30 minutes and smoked half of my pack. I even offered you some even though I know you'd decline.

I was so drank and disoriented with what was happening that I barely noticed that we were already in Guilly's Island. And there is where it all happened. I never would have wanted to assume and be overconfident in something, but I had a feeling that you could have danced with me all night. All of my friends were already conniving to find a way to make me dance with you. But I said no. . .

Every part of me is telling me to take the first move and talk to you. I'm sure it could have lead to one thing or another, but I can't allow that to happen. It's because I made peace with what inevitably will come to me, utter loneliness. I'm not that kind of gay who still believes that their gonna end up in somebody's waiting arms or their so-called knight in shining armor will come and save them from the wicked and unforgiving world they lurk in. I know that some if not many gays still live to see that happy ending fulfilled, but I know that I'm not one of them. That might sound stupid but I know wholeheartedly that it's true.

You were definitely the ideal man. But that's where it all ends. Thank you for making me smile for this whole day.

XOXO

Jerome

Simply Memorable

Music has always been a companion to me. It might sound ridiculous but whatever feeling or problem I have, nothing works better in helping me go through it than listening to songs that caters to them. And all these feelings, love, joy, excitement and euphoria came as a single overwhelming avalanche to me last night during Alicia Keys' concert.

Me along with my friends Alma Fe and Junie waited for two hours chatting and eating burgers before Alicia Keys finally took the stage. That's prior to Luke Mijares and Duncan Ramos' opening acts, which to me won't be that excruciating if I'm not too excited for Alicia Keys. Then at 10:15, my heroine Alicia Keys emerged and sang her heart out to our delights.

True that the venue was quite small (it was suppose to be held outside SMX, but they transferred the venue inside) and there were few people, but that made the concert much intimate and personal. It worked to our advantage for we get to see her closer even though we only have general admission tickets. How about that for luck.

I was too dumbfounded when she started the show for it couldn't sank in my thick skull that I am indeed watching her perform live. My friends and I was shouting at the top of our lungs as Alicia sang her household hits You Don't Know my Name, Karma and No One. The highlight for me was when she sang my most fave song Diary remixed with the song Tender Love. I couldn't help but cry! Seriously! I've been listening to that song on my ipod and on the internet for so many times that I can't believe I'm hearing it live! And it was so sincerely sang. Even my friend Junie can't help crying when she heard her fave song Like You'll Never See me Again. All performances were so soulful and intimate that you'll forget that everything from venue, stage and production was simple. Cause you won't need those. All you need is Alicia and her piano.

And as everything must come to an end, so did the concert. I know that she wouldn't end the concert without singing If I Ain't Got You so we stood by even though people were coming out. And what a perfect encore for a great concert that was. She really made the most out of the night. I couldn't ask for a better performance. The only regret that I have is that I didn't settle for the Php 900 ticket. For it would have been more worth wile.

This will definitely be one of the best highlights of my entire life. And I will relive it over and over again. . .

XOXO

Jerome