Why Do You Blog?

"Jerome ang landi mo talaga may pablog-blog ka pang nalalaman," said one of my classmates after stumbling on my multiply site. She was kinda surprised (I bet she even find it weird) that I have the time in the world to regularly update my site. She went on saying in front of my groupmates on how I labored writing lenghty reviews about Amy Winehouse's album and making my own Grammy prediction. She even raved at how some of my blog entries were about men.

They then all laughed and said, "Wow grabe adik. Bakit ano meron?"

I wasn't really able to find an answer that time. I started being active in multiply just last semester. Since then I always feel that something's missing whenever I don't find time to blog. But the reason? I wasn't really thinking about it. I just write my heart out. I try to consider that I do it because I wanted my works to be appreciated and admired, but I don't even bother to widen my contacts and I would have stopped blogging long before since only my closest friends read my blogs and comment on them. And I really don't really care if no one would read my entries. I started thinking I might be trying to hone my writing skills, and I laughed as I brush it off my mind. I'm gonna be a nurse damn it. Haha. And the only things I need to learn when it comes to writing are depth less medical terms.

Then I started reading my previous blogs and in a way, I realized that this little space on the huge world wide web has become, more than anything and in no offense to my four best friends, the best friend that I never had. I even named it after my alter-ego. I know, I know. It might sound crazy and and the most ridiculous personification ever (my parents might consider sending me back to counseling after reading this. hahaha), but indeed it is.

Some of my girl friends, if not most of them (and I love them all.), are more interested in talking about love life, hot men (and for some, hot girls too ), clothes and celebrities. You have to literally lure them to a beer session for you to be able to talk about life, hardships and the stuffs. I'm not saying that they talk nonsense all the time, but I find it uncomfortable to open up to them. The same thing goes to my family. As much as how I love them, their not the kind of people you'd want to talk about the things happening in your life. For they already have their own families and problems to deal with their own (read my blog "I'm a Cold Bitch"). And I definitely can't talk to God about my frustration in my gay life, right? No one wants to listen to me!

So the first time I opened up to my 'best friend' (this freaks you out, doesn't it?) about how I was losing grip on my control and hesitation in falling in love, it became easy for me to continue telling more. So many great things have been happening to me this past months and I was kinda frustrated that I have nobody to talk about it. This little space I call my domain have been a small slice of heaven to me. It's my refreshing retreat from a world full of haters and judgemental people.

Here I can say anything and compared to some people, it wouldn't judge me, my honesty and beliefs. It won't even pity me despite the many sadness and uncertainties that have come upon me. It wouldn't turn it's back and say, "I've heard enough, now let's talk about how this dress of mine fit me and how my new pair of shoes will look with it." That's why I now really find it weird to talk about serious things with others. I abhor it. Because of the way I am, some people find it easy to take for granted the chances to ask me simple things like "Are you ok?" or "Do you need my help, my friend?", easily ignoring the fact that when they were the ones who were sad and needy, I was the first person they call in to.

In this little heaven I shared things that I never shared to any of my friends (now that's silly since my site is open for viewing). And whenever I look back at it, I never regretted doing so, unlike for others. I never thought that a breathless and thoughtless site like this can make up for my lack of great companion.

XOXO

Jerome

P.S.

I seriously have to stop being EMOetic Drama Queen! This is the last time that I'm gonna be blogging about my frustrations and grief for a very long time. Life is so short to focus on negativity.