You know the saying, "Realizations come even if you think that you're in no need of it"? What, you're saying that there's no such thing? Well there should be! I don't care if it sounds stupid, uncreative and without the excruciating rhymes for it sounds true to me now. It'll definitely replace my most favorite quote, "God Knows Hudas Not Pay". Oh di ba bongga?
Now this post is my throwback to this genius classmate of mine, Leanne. I was kinda inspired by her "January Starty" post that I decided to make a similar post of my own. Every month she posts realizations about love and people. Nainggit ako kaya nakigaya na rin ako. I hope she doesn't mind though.
These are the things that I realized for the past two months. It's kinda hard to narrow it down to a single post. I had hinted some of them in my previous entries so if you have long leisure time reading my blogs you'd be able to read between the lines. Here goes effin nothing!
-LOVE-
1. I realized that I'm no cold bitch after all, nor a coward. Kaya ko palang ibigay ang sarili ko ng buong buo, so much that it leaves me vulnerable.
2. I have a very strict and strong personality, but I fall in love easily.
3. I could offer pala my delicate pride, dreams and hopes to a person's feet on a silver platter. That's weird because given how selfish I am, I couldn't even afford giving a piece of my silver platters, for it's too fragile. Okay I'm trying so hard to be poetic now I'm just plain stupid. Next!
4. I have the tendency to be obsessive when I fall for a person. Hehe. Kasi naman, it's not everyday that I find a person of the same interest and ideas. Finding that kind of person and feeling intimacy towards him is kinda rare for me, kaya I try my best not to let the guy out of my grasp. Untimong goodnight na quote na lang pinagiisipan ko pa talaga ng mabuti. Minsan naiisip ko bakit hindi na lang ako magkagusto sa isang hampas lupa that way hindi na ako mahihirapan. Joke!
5. I also realized that I am very particular with the intellectual and personal aspect of a person, but not with the gender. But that doesn't make me bisexual, okay? Hahaha. As I've said my preferences for a lover can almost touch the sky, so finding them in an actual person can get messy. I fall for a girl, because she has the very core of the guy that I'm looking for. Good thing that I got over it na. It took every muscle in me to repress what it was that I felt for her.
6. I now believe in soulmates, at naniniwala din ako na buhay pa ang aking soulmate at hindi pa siya nasagasaan, as I thought he might have been. I'm so excited to be with him. Hehehe.
7. Being unselfish is not the measure of true love. There will come a point that you would exhaust everything that you could hand freely, that continuing it will kill you. What's the sense of being unselfish if the first person na pagkakaitan mo ng love is yourself?
7. Lastly for the love sector, I realized that I deserve to be loved. My conviction to that is so full that it enlightens me. I thought I'm gonna get old alone, but that is changing. It's just that I'm in a wrong age group. What this age group generally wants is someone who they can be with for the sake of having a special someone and there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm looking for a different thing and I'll be constantly waiting until that person whose willing to share that with me arrive. :-)
-LIFE-
1. I have two personalities that are now strangling one another to take over. Hehe. This might sound crazy so I beg you to level with me. They have resurfaced in my previous entries, if you haven't noticed. I write letters to them which are mostly in apologies for failing them.
One is named Adia. She is an ego of pristine and delicate pride and dignity. She's the one who always want high scores in quizzes, one who wants to be looked at with amazement and admiration and one who simply never cares as long as her true aspirations in life remain untouched. She's the one who has been inside of me for the longest time and the reason why I never want to settle for a relationship, unless of course that's true in nature for her.
Both of my egoes have flaws, and hers is that her pride is consuming her. Because she never wants to show even the hint of weakness, she has sent her host in solitude for a long time.
The other is Adelaide, the one that just awakened from her deep slumber not a month ago. She's the more friendly, compromising and fun person. She loves going to bars and meeting new people. And she's the one that sucked all the intimacy that Adia continues to deny. And there lies her tragedy.
Because Adia is the one taking me over most of the time, she rarely gets the slant of love. Her deprivation of this need is too damaging that she craves for even even just the hint of intimacy. And because of that she was hindered to see the truth that awaits her for she readily gives her trust and affection without the simple innate way of thinking.
2. This is my last realization: I'm not good at writing! And this realization has to happen now that I'm in the LAMP, the official publication of the Institute of Nursing. I think I said that I'm a writer from LAMP at least twenty times last night as I interviewed some people in FEU for my part in the article.
Nakakapanliit ang mga people sa org na yun. Puros pala sila mga pilot. Gosh. I was like, what am I doing here? Pinabilang ko nga sa aking friend na si Henzen yung pulse rate ko and it was like 110. Hahaha. Grabe kasi nakakahiya talaga.
Anygays I can't do anything about it anymore. Nangyari na. Hahaha. All I can do is to give them the commitment and cooperation that I promised. But I so wish to have an article under my name published! That would top all of my previous wet dreams! I'd kill for that!
XOXO
Jerome
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