How I Survived the Catastrophe that Was Valentines

I’m beginning to think I’m growing backwards. Not physically though for my waistline says otherwise. It’s just that things that didn’t matter are starting to be important. Like this day that they call Valentine’s Day. Before I would secretly laugh when I see people carrying bouquet of roses or humungous teddy bears. For I find it really stupid how people suddenly get excited and romantic over a course of a day. But now that I’m 20 years old, I’m the one who’s desperate on making this Valentines memorable. I should be giving myself a hard BDSM tap on the back. I'm becomeing less and less mature.

I think the reason why I had this sudden interest is that I had been mooning over a person weeks before Valentines. To cut the effin nasty story short, it didn’t end the way I hoped it would. I was hoping on spending the day with the guy and I had these crazy plans on how I intend to celebrate heart’s day with him, that when I realized that it’s not happening I was in a serious crisis. Seriously! I told myself that there’s no way I’m gonna spend Valentines locked up in my room again watching DVD’s, reading novels or roaming the mall on my own. So I worked my butt off and planned to see myself “among the crowd” this Valentine’s Day.

Now I decided to blog the account of everything that happened on the suddenly special day. I find everything that happened magical, though it only swayed my attention from the solitude that’s been depressing me for a while.

I woke up 4:30 in the morning of Valentine’s Day because of the punishing coldness inside St Rita’s room at Mary the Queen Maternity and General Hospital Foundation Incorporation. Who effin named that Hospital? Anygays I was in duty from 7 pm to 7 am. We’re supposed to be taking vital signs, charting our patients or assisting in a surgery but because the hospital was so benign, our cool C.I. told us to sleep, much to our delights.

Instead of fixing myself I went out of the room and slept on the table I found there. I came inside the room at 5:30 and found my groupmates buzzing around preparing to go home. I just came out of the bathroom when Leanne (the January Starty girl) approached me with this teddy bear, greeting me with a Happy Valentine’s Day. What I did is to act as if I’m about to punch the effin toy. I don’t want to see any of those stuffs! Hahaha. It makes me more insecure and sad.

There’s no reason for me to believe that Leanne was serious, until she took this letter made up of little hearts and gave it to me. The stuff toy was from my group mates. They bought me one because they knew I’m spending Valentines alone. I can’t help myself to get teary eyed even now that I’m typing this. I was plainly surprised, my cold heart melted. I was such in a negative field that morning because none of my friends have greeted me yet. I’m that serious on making the day special. Then my groupmates started that day in a way that I myself could not even think of nor ask for more. I read the letter and I was really genuinely touched. True that it all has the clichés like “everything has its time”, “huwag ka nang malungkot” and the stuffs but it meant so much to be reminded that everything will be okay. Haaaaay. I love my group mates.

I was in euphoria when our leader for the day Thomas came in and told us that we’re going to have a quiz. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. He’s a person of such great complications and inner conflicts. I’m intending to write a blog about him to celebrate his existence, but now I’m contented in recalling that the night before, we two had a dance showdown. He told us kasi that he was a member of a dance troop. Now may pagka barbera kasi ang mahadera so we talked him to proving it to us by competing with me. I wager that I can give you one of the most bizarre experiences of your life when you see that boy dance. We were supposed to be dancing “Single Ladies” but he totally morphed it to a different dance, and not in a good way. To sum up his dancing, I can say that I was reminded of a chicken when I saw him dance. No, an old chicken.

Now back to the quiz. Good thing that my groupmates also bought a teddy bear for our C.I. She immediately realized what we wanted in return so she decided on postponing the quiz. On our way home we stopped at this eatery and took our breakfast. I spent the rest of the trip listening to Adele. I’m so addicted to her tracks! I love “Right as Rain”, “Cold Shoulder”, “Make You Feel My Love”, at ang hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin maget-over na song “Chasing Pavements”. I’m addicted to her as I was with Amy Winehouse. Mga songs na lang niya ang pinapatugtog ko sa itouch ko.

I came home around 10 and I decided to waste some time playing Jojo’s

Fashion Show. I was debating on whether to start reading “Horse Whisperer” or take a nap when my good friend Henzen texted me and said that the deadline for his work was extended. He’s a fellow member of mine from the Lamp. It’s kinda weird that I’m saying that given the fact that me finally being a member of our Institute’s publication hasn’t occurred to me yet. It’s still surreal, suddenly being surrounded by studious and intelligent people. Anygays, Henzen told me that he has no ‘dress’ for our night out.

It was inevitable that the main highlight for the day was to go clubbing. Grabe ang tagal ko nang hindi nakapagbar kaya ginamit ko talaga lahat ng koneksyon ko.

I decided to help Henzen find a look for our night-out. We met at SM Manila at 3 pm and immediately started browsing. We saw this nice shirt from F&H and I told him to try it on. Grabe ang daming magkakasamang lalake nung araw nay un. I don’t want to get too suspicious or anything, but what the hell are they doing shopping for clothes and helping each other try it on like what Henzen and I did? That didn’t come out right. Hahaha. People were actually looking at us because we’re so noisy. Whenever I come out of the fitting room I would be stared at. I’m like, hindi kami talo so cut it out.

After looking for clothes at other shops, Henzen decided on buying the shirt that we saw at F&H. We then chose to eat at Mcdo where Henzen shared to me ‘some’ secrets of his. Goshes iniwan mo na talaga ako Henzen. Next level ka na! Hahaha.

I went home at 6 and started preparing myself for the main event. I was told that I was included in the guest lists of two bars: Ascend and Embassy. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never been to bars like that. Mas at home ako sa Timog eh. And there I was helping a friend fix an attire when I haven’t decided yet on what to wear. After much thought, for this day is friggin special, I chose to wear a simple long sleeved shirt. I always go for simplicity. Hehehe.

I arrived at our meeting place in P. Campa at about 9 pm. I was waiting for my good friend Alma when I received her text saying that she’s in a taxi nearby, and that she can’t get out because she’s too embarrassed because of how she was dressed. And she has every right to feel so. Hahaha. Bonggang bongga talagang pang emba ang suot niya. We pulled in a cab and told the driver the direction to our former classmate Frances’ dorm. Goshes isa rin siya. Para kaming naghahanap ng away dahil sa mga damit namin.

After picking up Henzen along Pantranco, we headed to the main meeting

place along Quezon Avenue. I was told that our group will be around 33, to my surprise. I’m really not into meeting new friends and being surrounded with so many people that you just met, but I guess I can make an exception for that day. We spent almost two hours catching up with each other before we finally decided to set out for embassy.

Now here’s the big effin problem. In order for your free pass to be honoured, you must present a valid id that proves that you are the one in the guest list. My school id, my only id, was confiscated several months ago because of improper haircut. I was hoping that they would acknowledge my nameplate so I brought it with me.

When we arrived at Embassy I was totally in awe. Ang daming tao and they are all in their best look. We decided to go to Ascend first. I was relieved that the management considered my nameplate! The place was quite big and the lightings were good. And I love, love the music that they were playing. I would have loved to stay but my friends decided to go to embassy already.

I wasn’t allowed in. That’s all there is to it. It’s a shame because I really wanted to go there. They wouldn’t even allow me to just pay for the entrance instead because they really require an id. So what some of us did was to go back to Ascend to party. I was so grooving to the music that they were playing! I have no plans of going home drunk but I can’t help myself. I ordered three beers and it’s what took me to get my head fucked up. I was so dizzy and at the same time I can’t help myself from dancing. I keep bumping and apologizing to the people around me. Gosh I can’t even recall some of the things that happened there.

I was completely on high when Henzen suggested that we dump the place for Government. I unconsciously said yes and at 2 am we’re making our way to the number one LGBT club in the Philippines. I keep saying that, don’t I? It’s just that I admire the place and its people so much. People like me are always made feel welcomed. I was so looking forward for the next time I’d get the chance to be there, preferably sober so that I’ll make a composed impression. But I was so too drunk! I can’t even see clearly. I almost fell flat on my back when we were paying for the entrance fee. I entered the main room but I can barely see anything. Something in the stage caught my attention that I have to clear my eyes for a second look. And it was all good. Hahaha.

They hired four male models garbed as cupid! And yep, they’re shirtless. Henzen and I made our way closer to the stage where some of his friends were waiting. Gosh I was so drunk that I didn’t even feel embarrassed to just stand in front of the models and watch them dance. The next thing I knew I was being dragged by a stranger to the dance floor. And dance we did!

One thing I regret on coming to Goverment was coming drunk. Nagmukha tuloy akong pakawala. Someone was poking at me but I didn’t even bother to look. Pavirgin pa rin ako maski lasing, wala na akong magagawa dun. Hehehe.

It was around 4 am when Henzen and I decided to come home. We smiled at each other after having celebrated Valentines with such a blast, without the need of a lover.

It took me four pages to recount the events of this special day. I would have written more but I got tired. That’s ironic given the fact that I consider my life monotonous. But reading this post, seeing the people around me and their affection and all the simple joys of life that we often ignore because we are deprived of a special person, make me feel like hating myself. I’m afraid of being lonely, that’s true. But I didn’t even consider other options of avoiding that fate. I thought that the only way to be happy is through the loving arms of a lover. I didn’t know that all along, I was enthusiastic about my life.

And when that one person finally find me, he would find a strong person who, among other things, is happy.