It's been like ages since my last blog post, and I almost forgot how to start one without boring a hole in my own head. What can I say? It's been quite a roller coaster of weeks. What I find ironic is that even though my environment has changed drastically, what I feel inside is still the same. I still feel like floating whenever I get out of my bed. I still end up daydreaming my days through. I couldn't even take a grasp on my friggin life and try to make it exciting and productive. It's still the same uncaring, lazy and obnoxious man that I see in the mirror. (Thanks for making that expression seem overused MJ, sucks for me.)
But that doesn't suggest that I'm not thankful and happy with all the happenings in my dear life. No, No, No. I realized that as you go on with your seemingly monotonous life of waking up early, taking a shower, going to school, coming home, sleeping and waking up again, it's quite hard to take a breather and try to digest what happened in your day. That's one habit that I find difficult to break. I always tell myself that at the end of the day I should find time to recall what happened and be thankful even if nothing special occured. Instead, I end up shrugging the notion off and just sleep, thinking that I'm over-analyzing things and being too serious with my life.
Having said that, how do people who are so carefree and with no worries survive? That question came up to me when a classmate of mine said that people are too keen on becoming idealistic, forgetting that their ideas, no matter how great they are, can't be applied in real life. "Puro kayo idealismo," that classmate of mine even said.
I was seriously strucked by that statement that I found myself not wanting to talk to her. It's just that I'm reminded of "a particular event" wherein my rationality and ideas drowned when I'm confronted with a taste of reality. Napaisip tuloy ako. What's the sense of trying to become more philosophical if you can't apply it in your life? What's the point of me spending time to celebrate idealism in my page when whenever I'm out there, I'm quite the opposite? That question has been bugging me since "it" happened that I can't even bear the sight of my Paulo Coelho novels in my bookshelf.
I don't have any answer for that question yet. I still believe that one must find time and ask themself the question why and stray from conforming to beliefs and standards they haven't analyzed. But I also acknowledge the fact that out there, with everyone seemingly doing the same thing, it's easy to just go with the flow and blend with them. How you can link the world of ideas to the world of reality is definitely the catch and the one that I'm trying hard to do now.
Well let's put all of those aside. I have a bigger fish to fry (damn, why do keep using cliches?).
The first half of this year is enough to dwarf any previous year that I had. Well, maybe not that much. It's just that so many things have happened that I always feel like the days and months are dragging me slowly. But no matter how special those things are (sorry but I can only hint on such things. let's try to respect the lives and silence of others), I realized that they are of the same thing. And I'm tired. Really tired. And I'm ready too; ready to turn a new page (the cliches keep on coming) of my life.
During the course of the past months, I've been listening to the same, sad old songs. It might come out as funny or weird (what is weird but a word that we use to describe something or someone that we don't have the capability to understand?), but I kinda incorporated too much of myself in them. Music is that dear to me, for I never, never leave our house without my iTouch. Now, I'm deleting them on my playlist, for I don't want to be reminded of the same, sad old feelings. Masaya na ulit ako ngayon. Nevertheless, they brought me to this state of euphoria, so I'm immortalizing them here on my tiny humble space.
BTW, I surprised myself in everyway possible. Napaligaya ko ang sarili ko ngayon. These songs are also about those little steps of mine. Hehehe.
Chasing Pavements ("I'd build myself up and fly around and circles waiting as my heart drops, and my back begins to tingle."): Wow. Salute ako sa track na to dahil kahit kailan hindi ako nagsawang pakinggan siya.
I Need to be Next to You ("Pretending I was better off alone, but I know that it's just a lie"): This song pretty much summarizes everything. Too bad I won't be listening to it anymore.
Sometimes I Wake Up Crying ("I can't find a reason to let go, even though you've found a new love, and it's what your dreams are made of"): I have to give myself a tap in the shoulder for finding this track. Talagang gusto akong maging bitter ng Limewire.
Halo ("Remember those walls I built? Well baby they're tumbling down.") I was a fan of this song months before it became so popular. Feeling ko tuloy ninakawan nila ako ng kanta. Hehehe.
Make You Feel My Love ("I've known it from the moment that we met. No doubt it my mind where you belong") Haunting and heartbreaking. Eto talaga ang mga tipo ng kanta na hindi pinapakinggan.
Goodbye My Lover ("You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take") Listening ot this years ago made me cry even though I've no experience. Imagine how I reacted when I remembered this song some months ago.
Unbeautiful ("Was it something that I said? Was it something that I did? Coz I gotta know what made me unbeautiful") This is one heck of a bitter song. Hardcore kung hardcore. Bitter kung bitter.
Rain on Your Parade (I'll keep raining over you): I'm exhausted na eh. Hehehe. Gusto ko na lang ng tahimik na buhay.
I Told You So ("Suppose I call you up tonight and tell you that I love you?"): Isa rin to. I'm starting to believe that these sad songs don't help you in feeling better.
Dancing (No need for anything but music, music's the reason why): This song is gonna be the hardest to remove. Hehe. It's definitely one of the most beautifully sang ballads that I've ever heard.
The Waves ("I'll watch the moon, and the stars. And tell them everything about us") emo + vitriol = the waves by elisa. Yun lang ang masasabi ko. Hehehe.
If This Isn't Love (I could be dreaming or just playing crazy): It's good thing that I'm neither. I really felt something. Hehehe.
Take A Bow (Make them laugh, it comes so easy when you get to the part when you're breaking my heart): It's the one by Madonna. Ewan pero parang ginawa ang kanta na to para sa isang napakaspecific na tao.
XOXO
Jerome
P.S.
I'M BACK. NOW, LET'S GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO WIGGLE ABOUT.
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